Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
