i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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