walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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