frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
