Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
