Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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