She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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