Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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