Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
