shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
