i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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