I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I checked into jail on foursquare
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
