Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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