3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
