I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
