Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
