If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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