i need an iv and a liver transplant
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
