i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
