What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
