1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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