you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
pray to the hookup gods
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
