My liver just broke up with me...
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we're so committed to being not committed
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize