I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
