It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ketchup is God's man juice
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
