he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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