Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
