theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
