Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
