he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
