every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
