how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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