He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
