put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
