Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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