have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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