What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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