I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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