I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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