When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
