Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
