i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
