just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
