I want to have your abortion
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
