Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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