Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
