If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sext me about skeletons
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
