who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
