I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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