so that wasnt chicken after all
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
