you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
