he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
