Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize