Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
