The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
