so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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