sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
