You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
What drink are we having for lunch?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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