My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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