Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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