I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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