SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
