I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
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