she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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