Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
