There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
