I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
