How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
babies were throwing up all over the place
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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