In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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